Sayonara, au revoir and auf wiedersehen 2022.  You’ve been rammed to the gunnels with fun and frolics of the feistiest and most fetishistic kind.  But now it’s time for your flame to flicker out and a single stream of smoke to fade into the darkness.

A big thank you to those of you who’ve served me so well this year….for the devotion, the surrender, the suffering, the suffering and….oh yes the suffering.  I hope you’ve enjoyed every second as much as me.

To those of you who still haven’t had the opportunity to kneel at my divine heels, do try again next year.  Persistence coupled with politeness and a sprinkle of begging usually pays off in the end.

Another thank you for all the sweet and thoughtful Christmas and Birthday wishes and tokens of your affection. It’s always so lovely to know that I’m running through your mind, embraced within your heart or tangled into your soul.  Your generous words and delectable gifts (both big and small) always serve to bring a big smile to my scarlet red lips.

I always like to leave you with a little lesson to consider. This year I’ve been researching the darker aspects of the season and the less saintly side of Christmas folklore. Some rather questionable characters are said to roam and riot at this time of year, ensuring those on the naughty list are thoroughly punished. 

Of course there’s a good reason why such sinister incarnations have struck a chord with me.  Lovely as I am, I can’t help but identify with the mischievous, malicious and more chilling aspects of the Yuletide season.  There’s a simple moral tale at work – those who have been good will be rewarded, and those who have been bad might just get more than coal for their sins.

Top of the list comes the delightfully sinister Krampus.  He resembles a demonic goat – all horns, hooves and rattling chains. If you’ve misbehaved then he’ll ensure you are FIRMLY dealt with – hair pulled, mercilessly beaten with birch branches and even stolen away for his Christmas feast.

Krampus has grown in popularity over the years, now reaching sinister super-star status. A refreshing anti-dote to sometimes overly-sentimental festive celebrations.

Frau Perchta of the Alpine regions is a particularly capricious character. Sometimes known as the Christmas Witch, she appears as a mischievous woman who’ll slit open your belly and stuff it with straw.  Alternatively her appearance could also depend on how you perceive her and if you’ve pleased her. If you were faithful, obedient and observed her rituals then she would assume the form of a stunning Goddess. If you displeased her then she would appear as a demonic horned monster with a ferocious bloodlust.  

The Icelandic slaves amongst you might well be familiar with Gryla (translated as Growler) the giantess….she rules the roost in the mountains, swooping into townships to snatch up those who misbehave, intent on turning them into her own feast. If she doesn’t get you, then you’d better watch out for  Jolakotturin – the Christmas Cat. This giant pussy lopes about the snowy countryside at Christmas, peering into the lighted bedroom windows. The only way to save yourself from being eaten was to show him the new clothes you’d received because you’d been good that year. Perhaps those boring Christmas socks aren’t so bad after all?

And finally, ancient Norwegian and Swedish ‘lore gives us Lussi – a hideous demon with tyrannical powers. She arrives by broomstick on December 12th or 13th to ensure all festive chores are on schedule.  If your ‘to do’ list was lagging behind then all hell would break loose..shrieking, destruction and in the worst case scenario kidnapping and killing.  Harsh but fair.  I cannot abide by slovenly standards….my house slave be warned!!

Well I hope you’ve enjoyed my stories of the more chilling Christmas characters from around the world. As is always the case, if you’ve been well-behaved then you have nothing to worry about.  Sleep soundly my obedient slaves and gimps.

It’s now time for me to put down my whip, hang up my stocking and relax fur-clad by the flickering fireside.  Wishing you all a very merry Christmas and a firework and champagne fuelled New Year. See you at my heels in 2023!!