Oh dear, it’s been quite a while since my poor blog received a little time and attention. And there’s an exceptionally good reason for this, both have been in very short supply. So what better way to re-surface than with a super sexy snapshot of me sat in a sun beam. The heat is on.

This was such a fun photo-shoot. We took over a sprawling gothic building in leafy South London, exploiting its spiral stairwells, arched windows and endless walkways. I didn’t realise we weren’t alone until a stream of students poured out right in the middle of our set. Oh well, they didn’t seem to mind, it was their lecturer who proceeded to stalk us. My photographer was on the receiving end of my crop for failing to warn me though.

And talking of disruptions, it’s fairly common knowledge that I’ve had a rather disorderly time at Malice Mansions of late. The good news is that calm and cruelty have now been restored. I am finally back in business, and about time too. I LOVE my dungeon.

Coincidently I’ve just heard that Buckingham Palace is also scheduled for an extensive refit. So given my recent experiences, I have some hard won advice for her Majesty.

1. Carefully label all your storage boxes, especially the butt plugs. You don’t want to be pulling out The Wimp when only The Whopper will do.
2. Invest in as many dust sheets as you can afford (monogrammed red velvet is highly effective). This will save you the endless process of removing residue from your spanking bench, cage, or throne months down the line.
3. Regularly make an appearance on site to ensure your workmen aren’t slacking. It’s not common practice to simultaneously brandish your single-tail whip but it can’t hurt.
4. The exact catsuit or pair of thigh-high boots you deliberate about putting into storage are the ones you will need the instant they’re out of sight. Equally, if you haven’t worn something in a year then it’s safe to store.
5. Vibrators have a mind of their own. They will go off anywhere and everywhere so remove batteries for the removal.
6. Most things will go wrong most of the time. You’re still the Queen, deal with it.

Well that’s my OBE in the bag.

Right, I’m off to make the most of my newly wired electrics, and fresh paintwork. I promise not to leave it so long before making a reappearance though so do watch this space.

P.S. A small shout out to my awesome photographer Matt. He’s a true gem. So whether you’re a Mistress with a shoot in mind, or looking to spoil the Goddess in your life I would highly recommend his skills. He also isn’t phased by snakes…always good to know.