News…well hold the front page because I spent the majority of yesterday in agony and frustration. Yes, even I’m not immune to such torments. My head was basically boiled whole, my neck nearly fractured and my locks pulled and teased within an inch of their agonised follicles.

Some of my girlfriends love nothing more than a day at the hairdressers. Personally I would rather fillet fish at Billingsgate than subject myself to mind-numbing hours of ‘pampering’. So whilst clamped under the blast furnace, my numb mind turned to the true nature of escapism and its startling subjectivity.

There is no truer saying than, ‘one man’s pleasure is another man’s pain’. And nowhere can this be more poignant than in the dungeon.

Weirdly not everyone understands how the squeeze of a straight-jacket or kiss of the crop can represent a pleasurable release from the rigors of pedestrian pressures. Well I have a feeling that if you’re reading this you probably aren’t one of the above.

Playing up to your inner pervert and luxuriating in life’s anomalies whether for sexual or psychological reasons represents a momentary vacation from the routine habits and timetables to which we all submit.

In my mind, life and living are all about contrasts and experiences – having enough fantasy to counteract reality, and enough oddity to deal with normality. And of course vice versa – sadly you can’t have one without the other.

So whether your ideal ‘outing’ involves five perfect toes lowering slowly onto your lips, the feeling of constriction as a leather strap is pulled tighter (then tighter still) or the freedom to toss aside your trousers in favour of a frilly skirt – the dungeon can accommodate. The Mistress however, well she has her own agenda of course.

THIS Mistress…well personally I deal with an added complexity – one slave’s nightmare is another’s dream-destination, one sub’s liberation is another’s prison. Luckily however, this also keeps me entertained and amused as every dungeon dawn is more different than the next.

Whatever the order of the day, there are a few commonalities on which I must insist. The play-space must be dark, warm and inviting – the realities of daylight and all the accompanying distractions blocked and locked away. And the experience must be as mutually rewarding in terms of dynamic and detail as possible.

As for my perfect escape, well as someone who is lucky enough to inhabit the flickering four walls of the other realm, I would have to insist on a dark room where I can stare into someone else’s idea of another world – The Cinema. Or conversely, a rainy day at a rundown seaside resort…like the Maldives.

The ULTIMATE escape though – waking up one day to discover I’m a natural blonde. Until then I too am a the bleach, sigh.